Desiring Change

I started a video series on my business page and I thought I would post it here as well. I believe this is for all people, not just those in business. The series is all about making changes. This first one is deciding if you want change.

Brandon's Shenanigans

"The latest in the "Brandon Shenanigans"
I waited a few weeks to post this because I wasn't sure exactly how to say everything. So I will just jump right in.


"When Brandon was little, we worried about someone calling DSS because he would get away from us in public and even at home or he would have a black eye or a broken bone from running into walls or tripping and falling. Fortunately, it never happened, until now.

"Russ' dad told us that a lady from DSS was looking for us. She didn't know where we lived and found my FIL first. He showed her where we lived and she left a business card because we were not home. At first I was angry because I couldn't imagine why anyone would do that. Most of the people in town know Brandon. All the police and firemen and business owners know him. Most people watch out for him as he's riding his bike. He follows the traffic laws, mostly. And usually doesn't get into trouble.

So I called her and she said that someone in town called DSS because Brandon said he was wet, cold, hungry, and that we had no electricity. I was speechless for a minute. I said, "I don't know why he would say that since we have electricity and food and he has plenty of warm clothes." She said someone would be coming to the house to investigate.

A few days later the DSS lady came back while my MIL was here. My MIL came over to wake Brandon up and make him a sandwich and give him his medicine before he went into town. The DSS lady walked in the door and saw that we had electricity and food, and the house was clean, and that Brandon was being taken care of and she was completely shocked. She said, "this isn't what I was expecting at all!"

So this is what actually happened. On the morning that someone called DSS, the boys and I left the house early for a co-op class, Russ left early for work, and my MIL was at a doctors appointment. Therefore no one was around when he woke up. There was also no electricity on in the house when he woke up because men were working on the electric pole in the front yard. So Brandon got dressed and rode his bike into Westminster to find food and on his way it started to rain. By the time he got to the restaurant, he was hungry, cold, wet, and we had no electricity. So he was completely telling the truth.

So I called the DSS lady back to explain why Brandon said those things. We both had a good laugh about that. She did say that they had to keep the case open for 45 days but not to worry because everything was good. They just have to jump through all of their hoops.

And that is the saga of Brandon and DSS.

Life is truly an adventure!

Be Yourself

Do you ever wonder who you are? Not titles like, Mother or Father or Son or Daughter, or Lawyer or Doctor. Not fat or thin or smart or sexy or ugly or rich or poor or whatever else we have thought about ourselves. But why you do the things you do, or think the things you think, or act the way you act or believe the things you believe? Do you ever wonder who you are down in your core? Or have you ever looked around at your life that you created and asked yourself, "how the hell did I end up here?"

These are questions I have asked myself many times. Sometimes I have struggled for an answer. I didn't know who I was because of all the voices in my head. I still wonder sometimes if my feelings or thoughts or beliefs are my own or something that was instilled in me through the years. But I will say that I have learned a lot about myself the last five to ten years.

We start off this beautiful creature that is learning about our world. We are innocent and naive. We sing and dance and don't care who's watching. We create with our hands and it doesn't matter if it is not perfect. It is perfect to us. We befriend anyone we connect with regardless of race or religion or any other differences. We come hard wired with our own unique gifts and quirks. Our own strengths and weaknesses. Our own burning desires. In an ideal world, those burning desires and unique gifts will be nurtured and let grow into the beautiful human we were meant to be. But unfortunately, that is not usually the case.

We believe everything we hear, especially from our parents and teachers. They are the older, smarter ones that are always teaching us their ways so we can grow up to be "good" human beings and to fit into our society. We come into this world with no preconceived ideas about religion, politics, race, education, or even what is acceptable in our society. We are taught about all of these things from the people around us. It is different for all of us because we all come from different families and regions so we are taught different cultures. But basically we are taught about how to fit into our culture. We learn these things from our family, teachers, peers, and the media. The parts that don't fit into society are cut off or shamed to make us fit. Or whatever other measures the adults think will make us conform.  Our family and teachers mean well. They are doing the best they know how to help us mature into respectable adults. A lot of what we learn is good and does help us mature into good people.

So we grow and mature and we go through good times and hard times. And we layer on the layers of beliefs, traditions, prejudices, fear, anxieties, rules and pain and we bury parts of ourselves that don't quite fit. Until one day, we wake up and something happens that makes us wonder, "Who am I?" "Is this really who I am?" Do I really believe that?" It might be a serious sickness or near death experience that makes us start to question ourselves. It might be a major life change like a divorce or getting fired or laid off. It could just be something you read or hear that starts the questions. It could also just be a feeling of discontent with life as it is.

Whatever it is, go with it! It is the beginning of one of the most thrilling, exciting, terrifying, confusing, maddening, and amazing times of your life. The only way to get back to your real authentic self is to undergo the questions. The transformation of peeling off the layers that are not your true self. The ones that have been passed on to you through others. This takes time. It starts with the questions like, "why do I believe that?" "Is that how I really feel or is it just what I have been taught to feel or believe?" Questions like this are sometimes hard to answer at first. Sometimes it takes a little digging deep down to find out how you really think and feel about something. Sometimes it might take some studying from someone who's been there before to learn what you truly believe. My point is, it takes time and reflection inward to find out the parts that need to be trimmed away and the parts that are truly you. The peeling away the non-authentic parts will reveal more truths about yourself that you might have forgotten. You will unburden your mind and spirit with all of the non-truths to discover your beautiful true unique self buried underneath.

Now a word of caution. When you start to wake up and start changing who you are, not everyone is going to be happy about it. Some people like you just the way you are. Even if it isn't the real you. It is comfortable and familiar. People like familiar and they like their comfort zone. They don't want anyone to change the way things are. And you changing who you are might mess up their comfort zone. It might also cause them to start to question things about their own selves and they don't want that either. So be prepared for some people to try to stop you from changing or get angry with you or even sever the relationship. But just remember, this isn't about them. It is about you. You do the work that you need to do and don't listen to the negative Nancy's. The people that really matter in the long run will love the real you and will be there through the transformation.

So to wrap this up, I highly recommend asking the hard questions and discovering the real you. It is a wild journey that will take you to unexpected places, extreme highs but also some extreme lows. Change is never easy but I guarantee you will not regret it. You will finally feel a freedom and peace that might be missing in you right now. So go ahead and take the plunge! The world needs the true authentic you :)

The Journey of 32 Years

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was content with life in her village. She mostly did what was expected and wasn't necessarily looking for anything new. Until He came along. He wasn't like the other he's in her village. There was just something about him that she couldn't put her finger on but it intrigued her enough to try and figure it out. So they started talking and hanging out together. They told each other stories of their own village and what it was like growing up for them. The more they discovered, the more attracted they became. Not knowing exactly when it happened, they became a couple. Not what she was looking for at that time in her life. It just happened. Like there was some sort of invisible string pulling them together.

So began their adventures together. Quickly they added to their little tribe. A tiny he, Thing 1,  that fit perfectly into their lives. Before they knew what was happening they discovered that another addition was coming, Thing 2. All was going smoothly until the wind shifted and a new journey was before them. This journey was unexpected and involved Thing 1. This journey brought with it fear and anxiety and anger. It took them through the swamps and up tall mountains. They were not sure they were going to survive this journey. The second addition to their tribe, Thing 2, came during this treacherous quest. She was a beacon of joy amidst dark times. So they continued on.

They were fairly content in their little village when the winds began to shift again. This time taking them to a different village. It was a little scary at first but in time, they made a place for themselves in this new village. Time passed and they were following their journey just like everyone else. Doing what was acceptable in their village. They had their bumps in the road and curves here and there but mostly things were smooth.

Then as journeys go, the wind began to change again. This was unexpected. We weren't looking to change or question life as we knew it in the village. Maybe we did and didn't realize it. We didn't know that Thing 1 was going to make us question how things were done and that by opening up the possibility of living a different way in one area of our life would ultimately change every aspect of our inner and outer life. The journey was not an easy one. It was full of pitfalls and quicksand and those damn mountains again. There was fear and anger and confusion and questions with no answers. But mixed in all of the negative emotions were love and honesty and trust in each other and the journey we were on.

During this long journey of many years along comes Thing 3 and Thing 4. These two Things brought much joy and activity and fun into our tribe. Then as life happens, Thing 2 embarks on her own journey with her own He.

Our journey was moving right along with many joys and a few sorrows like any journey when the winds began to change yet again. This was the most challenging and frightening journey yet. One that broadsided us. We weren't expecting a hurricane in the middle of the mountains. This journey took all of our resolve, resources, wits, and courage. It was not for the faint of heart. For this journey directly involved our He. Our rock. Our provider. My love. We were moving right along on our journey when this big quest was laid in front of us. We had no choice but to take it on head first. Just when we thought we were slaying the beast from hell that was attacking our He it hit him like a vengeance. No matter what we did it wouldn't let go. We journeyed on the path before us because we couldn't go back. We trudged through jungles so thick you couldn't see the sun. We plodded through deserts so long we thought we would thirst to death. Then came the valley of death. It was full of bones and ghosts and struggles so hard we thought many times it was the end. The only choices we had was to submit to death or keep moving forward. By some act of sheer will and a power we couldn't see' we made it through the valley of death. The journey was far from over but the way was getting a little easier, a little smoother.

Just when we felt like we could take a deep breath again an elder in our village, my mother, was attacked by the same beast from hell. She trudged through the valley of death for 5 months before it overtook her. Her body never made it out of that valley but fortunately, her spirit moved on to the realm of sheer bliss.

We have learned and changed a lot through our many quests. That is one thing about the journey, it is always changing and always teaching us something new about the world and ourself. We are not the same humans we were 32 years ago or 10 years ago or even 1 year ago. We have changed and evolved and grown into someone completely different and new. Someone with open eyes and open hearts and more compassion. Life lesson number 1 is life is short. Even if you live to 100, it is fleeting. We are here to have fun and enjoy the journey. Life lesson number 88 is to live life on your terms. Find what brings you joy and live in that place. You do not have to live in a box or conform to those around you. Do what brings you joy and that joy will spill out onto those around you. Life lesson number 25, our attitude is a choice no matter what part of the journey you are on. Whether in the valley or the mountaintop, we get to decide how we think and react. We can choose joy even in the midst of chaos. I know, I have been there. Joy is much better than fear or bitterness or anger. We can always choose kindness. You never know where someone is in their journey. Your kindness might be the only thing that brings them through the valley of death. Life lesson number 6, take risks. Do something new, scary, daring, fun, exciting, different from the way you always did it. Life wasn't meant to be boring or monotonous or filled with stress and strife. Take a risk on whatever it is that you have always wanted to do but was too afraid to do it. There are many, many life lessons learned along the way but I will stop with this one. Lesson 2, your additions to life are their own little creations. You are only there to love them and teach them about the world around them. The beautiful world. The one filled with butterflies and bugs and rivers and oceans and everything that's in them. They are not here for you to mold into what you want them to be. Help them bloom into what they were created to be. Beautifully, wonderfully, exquisitely, themselves. Nothing more, nothing less.

This brings us to the present. Our journey together is far from over. We have a long journey before us with many ups and downs along the way. I look forward to what lies ahead. We are strong and bold and wiser and daring and we will face the next quest together.

Bury That Stuff!

Today is the Winter Solstice. The first day of winter. The shortest day of the year. Today is the perfect day to reflect on 2018 and keep the good, bury the bad, and be grateful for ALL OF IT!

2018 for me was another roller coaster of a year. On the one hand Russ was cancer free and getting healthier all the time. On the other hand, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and died 5 months later. All of that topped with learning to breath again after holding my breath for all of 2017 and half of 2018 and still taking care of my family during the roller coaster of emotions. Needless to say, I have some deep sorting to do.

There are things I definitely want to bury or burn and not go back to again. Some memories and emotions are not worth hanging on to and only do damage instead of heal. Other things like my moms laugh and her generous ways are things I hope I never forget. Not in this lifetime or beyond.

On our last day in Mexico in 2017, Russ went down to the water and sat on a chair. He thought about all of the things that he had been harboring in his heart that he wanted to leave there and not bring home with him. See, Russ had some very negative feelings that he needed to let go of and forgive in order to truly heal in all ways. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It has been a long road for him and not easy but I can see how much progress he has made. Russ is a completely different person than he was 4 years ago at the beginning of the cancer journey. He is stronger and wiser and much more loving and forgiving. He made a little hole in the sand and put all of the negative things he had been holding onto and buried them. He left them right there in a whole in Mexico.  Now, if he feels the familiar feelings creeping up on him he can just say to himself, "no, I will not go there. I buried that in the sand". What Russ did has had a major effect on his healing and letting go. He has something physical and a visual to remind himself not to go there.

First let's talk about letting go of the negative emotions. There are two very effective ways to do this that has a lasting effect. One way is what I described with Russ. You literally bury them. And you leave them there. Do not go back and dig them up. If those negative thoughts come creeping back, just say to yourself that you won't go there. You will not dig that up again.

Another very powerful way to let go of negative feelings and thoughts is to write them down on a piece of paper and burn it. Write down everything negative that you feel. You can write about an incident that happened to you that was not your fault. Even if it happened years ago and you are still holding onto it. You can write a letter to a person telling them exactly how you feel. Then do something so powerful you won't believe you can, forgive them. No matter how bad they were to you or what horrible thing they did. Forgive them. You are only hurting yourself when you do not forgive. I am not saying you have to have a relationship with that person or even talk to them ever again. I am just saying for your own mental, physical, and spiritual health, forgive them.  Don't send it to them. Burn it. Burn your letters that you write and watch them go up in smoke. You can even write a letter to yourself asking yourself for forgiveness if that is what you need to do. Then the next time your thoughts wander to that negative thing, stop yourself. Say, "NO! I won't go there. That went up in smoke. It is gone." Then quickly replace that negative thought with one of gratitude. Anything you are grateful for at the moment. The sunshine, hot coffee, hot water, your children, whatever you can find. Because no matter how bad life might seem, there is always something to be thankful for.

That brings me to the next step. Remembering the good times. You can make a scrapbook highlighting all the good times. You can start a gratitude journal if you don't already have one. I am sure there are other ways but these are two ways that are very powerful. Especially the gratitude journal. Make a habit of writing down everything you are grateful for. This way, when the negative thoughts start creeping in, you have something to be grateful for to combat those feelings. It is impossible to be negative and grateful at the same time. So choose gratefulness and your whole outlook on life will start to change and then your life will quickly follow.

So I hope you will find some time to think about what was, what is, and what is to come. Think about what you will bury and what you will keep. I hope you choose to bury the negative, burn the bridges, and keep the good stuff. Because there is always some good stuff!

I wish you the best of luck with your cleansing.
Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanakkuh!
Joyful Kwanzaa!
and Radiant Winter Solstice!

No New Year Resolutions!

I have not made New Year's resolutions in several years because I do not follow through with them. What I have been doing instead is more like principles to live by. Or things I would like to see, do, or have more of in my life.

Well, anyone that knows me and my family knows that the last 2-3 years has been one big roller coaster of stress and anxiety and grief. Russ battled throat cancer for three years and almost died. All of 2017 was holding our breath not knowing if it would be his last. Thank God he is alive and well now and just celebrated one year cancer free! Then my mom found out in January 2018 that she had liver cancer and she passed away in June. She lived 5 months after her diagnoses. A beautiful light was extinguished from the world that day. It was a very sad and stressful "moment" in time. We have been living in survival mode for so long that is has taken me quite some time to start feeling "normal" again. It feels like we have been living underground in a bunker all this time and are just coming back to the surface in the sunshine and the real world.

I said all of that to say this. My new principle to live by this year is to have fun! More fun. More joy. More new adventures. More learning what "fun" is to me. More saying yes to things that scare me. More building my business to the place I want it to be. More supporting Russ in his endeavors. And less fear. Less anxiety. Less stress. Less worry. Less living life on autopilot.

So what exactly will this look like? How do you live life with more fun? What does that even mean? Well, it will look different to everyone. What is fun for me might not be fun for you. And I am not talking about shirking responsibilities either. There will always be things you "have" to do. Work, clean, laundry, children, dog, etc. But just because you have to do it, doesn't mean you can't have fun doing it. I learned from a very wise woman many years ago that you might as well enjoy the things you have to do, like dishes or laundry since you have to do them anyway. Like stop dreading all the things you need to do and instead make it fun or at least enjoyable. Be thankful that you have food to eat and dishes to wash. Be thankful that you have clothes that need washing. Be thankful that you have children that need your attention. Be thankful that you have a job to go to. If you 'have"to do it, you might as well make the most of it. Most of our time is spent doing the mundane or necessary things of life so enjoy the things you do. Life is way too short to dread the majority of it. The other thing is to say yes to things or experiences or places or people that come into your path. Do the new thing. Do something different. Go somewhere you've never been before. Say yes when someone invites you to do something. Do random acts of kindness. This last one is so much fun!

The possibilities are limitless for the fun you can bring into your life on a daily basis. Start by smiling more. Laughing more. Even in 2017 when life was so fragile we still found things to laugh about. The nurses would come into Russ' hospital room just to find out what was so funny. Make someones day. Get outside in the sunshine as often as you can. It helps me tremendously! Saying yes more. Doing something different. These are things that keep life fun and interesting.

So my motto for 2019 is more fun, more joy, more living life to the full instead of just surviving. What will your motto be?

Stay tuned for my next post that will be about why I will never diet again!

Until next time.
Adventure is out there!

Take the Leap!

I woke up a few days ago with the desire to write. It has been a long time since I have had the desire and it came as a shock. I think it means I am healing. Life has been quite stressful the last two years. First with Russ almost dying of cancer, (but thank God he is cancer free now), to my mom finding out she had cancer in January and passing away in June. This has been one roller coaster of a ride. The haunted one, not the thrill ride. So needless to say, I have been in survival mode for a while now. Not focusing on anything other than the basics of survival. It has not been fun but I can say that I have certainly grown stronger through it all and have learned a few things along the way.

One of the things that these circumstances have done has been to really reflect on my own life. What have I done with this one life that I have been given?  Have I contributed to this planet? Have I made a difference? Will I leave a legacy? Have I accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish? Have I truly lived and not just existed? Have I followed my dreams?

Now I know these are deep questions. But that is what death will do to you. It makes you look inward and really examine your life. I have to say that I am not ready to die! I still have so many things I want to accomplish in this lifetime. The one thing that I have accomplished has been my four amazing children. Growing up I really did not know what I wanted to do with my life except have a career, travel, and be a mother. Well, one out of three is great considering that my biggest accomplishment has been my children. Now that brings me to my other two desires. I realize that desires change with time and mine has changed a lot over the years. But the desire to travel has never gone away. In fact, it has only grown stronger the older I get and the more places I have been. As for the desire for a career, well now it is geared toward my own business and making it grow to fund the traveling.

I want to clarify that I do not regret the last 30 years of my life being a stay at home mom. I have truly loved being a wife and mother. It has been the biggest blessing and joy to raise my children and have the time that I have had with them. We are all very close as a result of homeschooling and being with them 24/7. I also had the time to be there for Russ last year when he needed me and be there for my mom when she needed me. So I know I have been blessed. The only negative that I will say is that somewhere along the way of being a wife and mother I have lost who I am. I have forgotten my dreams and desires and even the person that I am at my core because I was busy being the mom and wife that I thought I was supposed to be. The one that my community and society says I should be. Trying to fit into the mold of "good wife and mother". I read all the books and attended parenting classes. I went through all kinds of fads where food, religion, health, and schooling are concerned. All the while thinking I was doing the right thing but not feeling it in my soul. You see, I am not normal or typical. I do not think like most people think. I am not sure what that means but nothing really "felt" right even when I was doing it thinking it was the right way. Well I have learned that there is no "right way". There is no cookie cutter family or education, or diet, or even religion. There is no one size fits all in this world. We are each completely different and unique individuals with our own ideas and personalities and experiences. Just look at your children and you can see this so clearly. Not one of them is like the other. So this brings me back around to the questions that I had about my life.

What have I done with this one life that I have been given? Well, I have been married to my best friend for 31 years. I have raised and am still raising 4 amazing humans. I have tried to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, knowing I have failed at all of these at times. But there are still so many things I want to do.

Have I contributed to this planet? In a way yes. I added several humans that I have tried to instill an appreciation for the planet and a love for nature and the need to preserve and protect those that cannot protect themselves. No in that I have not done all that I can to recycle and protect our natural resources. Nor have I come up with a great idea to end world hunger or create world peace.

Have I made a difference? I would like to think I have made a difference in my family. But again, there is so much more I would love to do.

Will I leave a legacy? I would like to think I am leaving four.

Have I accomplished the things I want to accomplish? Not even close!

Have I truly lived and not just existed? Some times I have.  A lot of the times I have just gone through the motions. And then there have been several times that I lived strictly in survival mode.

Have I followed my dreams? No I have not. Not yet anyway. Not the ones that make me feel alive. The ones that keep me up at night because I am so excited about what I am doing that I just can't sleep. The dreams that make me get out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm and excitement instead of just going through the motions of another day.

But I can feel the winds turning. I can feel something brewing under the surface that is telling me that this is finally my time. It is time to take the leap. To stop stalling and making excuses. I am ready. I am ready to start moving forward in the direction of my dreams. Working diligently on my business that I have not had time for. The very business that is going to allow me to do what I know I was created to do. Help others and travel. That has been what I have been wanting for a long time and now is the time to move forward. I am really excited and can't wait to see what the next few months hold. I am ready to take the leap!

What about you? Is there something that you have been holding back on or keeping bottled up inside? Something that you have always wanted to do but didn't because of fear or lack of time or afraid of what others will think or say? Have you lost yourself while living a mediocre life? Well let me just say that life is short! Even if you live 100 years it is short. There is so much living to do that you don't need to waist any of it in fear, worry, or especially regret. Now is the time to ask yourself the questions I asked myself and see what you come up with. If you see that there are still things buried deep inside that you have put on the back burner. Well maybe it is time to bring them to the surface. Play around with the idea that maybe it is possible to change jobs, start a business, buy a house, have a kid, travel the world, take the dream vacation, get out the instrument and play or get out the paints and paint.  Whatever it is for you, at least entertain the thought that you can do it. Now I am not saying to do anything irrational and give up on your life or family to follow your dreams. Even though running far away has been tempting at times! lol But take the leap! Maybe taking the leap for you is just realizing you have let your dream get buried and you have to dig it back out. Maybe you know exactly what you want to do but you have been letting fear stop you. Maybe you can't jump off the cliff right now. But you can start somewhere. You can do something to move you closer to your goals. So start with a baby step. Sometimes that is all you have to do to get the ball rolling. Just take that first step and see what doors open up for you.

I would love to hear the answers to your questions or at least what your biggest desire is that you have been holding back on. You can leave a comment below or message me on FB. I would love to encourage you on your personal journey.

Life is an adventure!
Diane