Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Take the Leap!


I woke up a few days ago with the desire to write. It has been a long time since I have had the desire and it came as a shock. I think it means I am healing. Life has been quite stressful the last two years. First with Russ almost dying of cancer, (but thank God he is cancer free now), to my mom finding out she had cancer in January and passing away in June. This has been one roller coaster of a ride. The haunted one, not the thrill ride. So needless to say, I have been in survival mode for a while now. Not focusing on anything other than the basics of survival. It has not been fun but I can say that I have certainly grown stronger through it all and have learned a few things along the way.

One of the things that these circumstances have done has been to really reflect on my own life. What have I done with this one life that I have been given?  Have I contributed to this planet? Have I made a difference? Will I leave a legacy? Have I accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish? Have I truly lived and not just existed? Have I followed my dreams?

Now I know these are deep questions. But that is what death will do to you. It makes you look inward and really examine your life. I have to say that I am not ready to die! I still have so many things I want to accomplish in this lifetime. The one thing that I have accomplished has been my four amazing children. Growing up I really did not know what I wanted to do with my life except have a career, travel, and be a mother. Well, one out of three is great considering that my biggest accomplishment has been my children. Now that brings me to my other two desires. I realize that desires change with time and mine has changed a lot over the years. But the desire to travel has never gone away. In fact, it has only grown stronger the older I get and the more places I have been. As for the desire for a career, well now it is geared toward my own business and making it grow to fund the traveling.

I want to clarify that I do not regret the last 30 years of my life being a stay at home mom. I have truly loved being a wife and mother. It has been the biggest blessing and joy to raise my children and have the time that I have had with them. We are all very close as a result of homeschooling and being with them 24/7. I also had the time to be there for Russ last year when he needed me and be there for my mom when she needed me. So I know I have been blessed. The only negative that I will say is that somewhere along the way of being a wife and mother I have lost who I am. I have forgotten my dreams and desires and even the person that I am at my core because I was busy being the mom and wife that I thought I was supposed to be. The one that my community and society says I should be. Trying to fit into the mold of "good wife and mother". I read all the books and attended parenting classes. I went through all kinds of fads where food, religion, health, and schooling are concerned. All the while thinking I was doing the right thing but not feeling it in my soul. You see, I am not normal or typical. I do not think like most people think. I am not sure what that means but nothing really "felt" right even when I was doing it thinking it was the right way. Well I have learned that there is no "right way". There is no cookie cutter family or education, or diet, or even religion. There is no one size fits all in this world. We are each completely different and unique individuals with our own ideas and personalities and experiences. Just look at your children and you can see this so clearly. Not one of them is like the other. So this brings me back around to the questions that I had about my life.

What have I done with this one life that I have been given? Well, I have been married to my best friend for 31 years. I have raised and am still raising 4 amazing humans. I have tried to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, knowing I have failed at all of these at times. But there are still so many things I want to do.

Have I contributed to this planet? In a way yes. I added several humans that I have tried to instill an appreciation for the planet and a love for nature and the need to preserve and protect those that cannot protect themselves. No in that I have not done all that I can to recycle and protect our natural resources. Nor have I come up with a great idea to end world hunger or create world peace.

Have I made a difference? I would like to think I have made a difference in my family. But again, there is so much more I would love to do.

Will I leave a legacy? I would like to think I am leaving four.

Have I accomplished the things I want to accomplish? Not even close!

Have I truly lived and not just existed? Some times I have.  A lot of the times I have just gone through the motions. And then there have been several times that I lived strictly in survival mode.

Have I followed my dreams? No I have not. Not yet anyway. Not the ones that make me feel alive. The ones that keep me up at night because I am so excited about what I am doing that I just can't sleep. The dreams that make me get out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm and excitement instead of just going through the motions of another day.

But I can feel the winds turning. I can feel something brewing under the surface that is telling me that this is finally my time. It is time to take the leap. To stop stalling and making excuses. I am ready. I am ready to start moving forward in the direction of my dreams. Working diligently on my business that I have not had time for. The very business that is going to allow me to do what I know I was created to do. Help others and travel. That has been what I have been wanting for a long time and now is the time to move forward. I am really excited and can't wait to see what the next few months hold. I am ready to take the leap!

What about you? Is there something that you have been holding back on or keeping bottled up inside? Something that you have always wanted to do but didn't because of fear or lack of time or afraid of what others will think or say? Have you lost yourself while living a mediocre life? Well let me just say that life is short! Even if you live 100 years it is short. There is so much living to do that you don't need to waist any of it in fear, worry, or especially regret. Now is the time to ask yourself the questions I asked myself and see what you come up with. If you see that there are still things buried deep inside that you have put on the back burner. Well maybe it is time to bring them to the surface. Play around with the idea that maybe it is possible to change jobs, start a business, buy a house, have a kid, travel the world, take the dream vacation, get out the instrument and play or get out the paints and paint.  Whatever it is for you, at least entertain the thought that you can do it. Now I am not saying to do anything irrational and give up on your life or family to follow your dreams. Even though running far away has been tempting at times! lol But take the leap! Maybe taking the leap for you is just realizing you have let your dream get buried and you have to dig it back out. Maybe you know exactly what you want to do but you have been letting fear stop you. Maybe you can't jump off the cliff right now. But you can start somewhere. You can do something to move you closer to your goals. So start with a baby step. Sometimes that is all you have to do to get the ball rolling. Just take that first step and see what doors open up for you.

I would love to hear the answers to your questions or at least what your biggest desire is that you have been holding back on. You can leave a comment below or message me on FB. I would love to encourage you on your personal journey.

Life is an adventure!
Diane

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