Brandon, my first born, the one that made me a mom 30 years ago. Wow, time flies. I can not even begin to write all of the lessons I have learned from being this boys mom. It would be a huge book. Anyone that knows us knows that Brandon has Autistic Spectrum disorder and a seizure disorder. This all started when he was 2 and that began a long series of doctors and testing and many types of frustrations when they couldn't find what was causing the seizures and couldn't control them. We tried anything and everything that was suggested usually with terrible side effects. That went on for 10 years. We finally found a doctor that put him on two different seizure medicines that stopped his seizures. He is still on those today and is seizure free. I said all of that as a little background for the lessons learned.
The first lesson I learned that was really eye opening to me was that doctors do not have all of the answers. Which led to learning that most people in authority do not have all of the answers. I was an ignorant kid when all of this started and I grew up listening to those in authority like my parents, teachers, preachers, doctors, government, etc. It never dawned on me that they did not always know what they were talking about. Or that they didn't have all of the answers. I don't believe anyone deliberately lied to me, except maybe the government. I believe they were talking from what they knew and where taught and their opinion of the subject. But it was ultimately up to me to do my own study and research to learn all I could and work with that. I had to become my child's advocate because I was the one that had his best interest in mind. Like I said, I was a shy, young, ignorant person when I had Brandon and I had to grow a backbone. It took me years and lots of trial and error to realize that it was up to me to do what was best for my child and to learn to listen to my gut feeling more than those in authority.
The next lesson I learned was there were alternative methods of healing and health. There is a time and place for doctors. They have helped us all in many different ways and I am very grateful for them. But there is also much benefit from learning prevention and natural cures as well. Now, our first reaction is to use natural means for whatever ails us and then if I can't fix it at home, then we seek medical attention. With the exception of Brandon going to the doctor for his annual check up for his medicine and Russ going to the cancer doctors, we never have to go to the doctor for normal sicknesses. I can not tell you how important living a healthy lifestyle is. Prevention is far superior to treatment in any circumstance. We do not live perfectly but we do the best we can with the resources we have. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. They truly build up, repair, and heal the body. I am not going to go into detail here about all of the natural things we do but if you want more info, leave a comment below and I will answer any questions that I can.
Lesson three would be that not all children are created equal. They are each unique and beautiful in their own way and you can not compare your child to any other child. Even your other children. I have four completely different human beings. What works for one with discipline or anything for that matter doesn't work for the other. Sometimes your child doesn't fit into any of the boxes so you are on your own. This is where following your gut comes in handy. Remember, this is your child and your family and you have to do what is best for your family no matter what others may think or say. It will not look exactly like any other family. Your family is completely unique so enjoy yourselves in your uniqueness without trying to fit into someone else's box. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Just be the best you can be.
The last lesson I am going to mention here is that we will never be perfect and we will come to the end of our rope. There will be times that we don't like our children. We always love them fiercely, but we do not always like them. They can push buttons you didn't even know you had. And they push them until you think you are going to literally go insane. But then they turn right around and do something so sweet that you forget all about going crazy and you can focus on life again. The main thing to remember is you are not alone. You are not a bad mom. You are human and as humans, we can only take so much stress before we hit a wall. That is when you need to take a time out. I know how ridiculous that sounds when you have small children or a handicapped child but maybe just lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes until you can face them without wanting to lash out. Maybe take a bottle of wine with you. Hey, don't judge the crazy lady in the bathroom mumbling to herself with a bottle of wine. We have been through some very dark days when Brandon would not sleep for what seemed like days or he would have seizures for days in a row and I would sleep on the couch with my legs blocking him from getting up so he wouldn't have a seizure while standing. Or when his behavior would be so bad we thought he was possessed by the devil himself. That was caused from drug side effects. This is just a small picture of what life was life back then. It was so scary and so exhausting so many times with no relief. But those times did pass and we all survived. So just know that this phase of life is so temporary even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. And one more lesson to throw in here is DO NOT JUDGE OTHERS! You do not know what kind of day they are having or what they are going through. When you see a parent in the store with the toddler throwing a temper tantrum or in our case, a 12 year old toddler throwing a temper tantrum, don't judge the parent or the child. Give them a word of encouragement instead and let them know that this too shall pass.
I hope these lessons will help you in your parenting and life journey. Just remember that we are all just human and we can only be who we are and be the best we can be without trying to be like someone else.
Life is a colorful adventure!
Diane
No comments:
Post a Comment