Why I Kissed Dieting Goodbye

Why do people still diet? Why are we so obsessed over our size and how we look even though decades of dieting have only made us fatter and sicker instead of healthier. Every 5-10 years a new and "improved" diet or lifestyle emerges promising to make us thin and beautiful. Yet every time we are disappointed. Do some people have luck losing weight on these programs? Yes they do. But what happens when they stop the program or lifestyle? They gain it all back and then some. Or it causes health problems they didn't have before. There is a much simpler way to live.

First of all, we need to learn to accept ourselves as we are. Love ourselves as we are right now. No matter what you may believe or what you think others think of you. Even if you know you are overweight or underweight or have health problems. The first step is to accept yourself just the way you are. Only then can you truly start to change for the better. I know this is much harder than just saying it. I am a healthy weight and a healthy person but I know I would look better and feel better about myself if I lost 15 pounds. There are times when I truly do not like the way I look. I know I could do better if I wanted but I beat myself up instead. But this is something I am working on. Accepting myself just the way I am. And choosing to do the things I enjoy and not letting fear of how I look stop me.

The next thing is to focus on health instead of weight. Instead of focusing on our size, we should put our efforts into good heath instead. What does good health look like? Well, it is generally feeling good and having energy to complete the things you need to do each day. It is not having major or minor illnesses. It is having a strong immune system. It is also having good mental health. That is as important as good physical health. Now I know a lot of people are suffering from various forms and degrees of sickness. It is so rampant now, that to not have some type of issue is not normal anymore. So your goal should be to be as healthy as you can be. This is my focus now instead of dieting. 

Find out what a healthy lifestyle looks like and focus on that. Not going to extremes. I have been on the extreme end of trying to live a healthy lifestyle and I will tell you it is not fun. It is fear based and all consuming. When you start really looking into what we eat and drink and how we live, we soon realize that we live in a very toxic environment, from the air we breathe, to the water we drink, to the food we eat. Not to mention all the products we use to clean our bodies and homes or the makeup or hair products we use every day. It can be quite frightening and overwhelming. So start learning what true health looks like and move slowly in that direction. 

The best way to start transitioning into a healthy lifestyle is to ease into it with one change at a time. Make that one change a habit then move onto the next change. I am still not talking dieting or eliminating food groups or anything like that. I am merely saying pick one area you know is probably the most unhealthy and start there. Then move onto something else. For example, if you are a smoker, the obvious choice would be to start there. Everyone know the dangers of smoking. It is not the easiest change you can make but definitely the most important. If you know you drink too much, then start with that one. Maybe you drink soft drinks or diet sodas. Then that can be your first change. Changing to flavored water instead. The important thing is to start educating yourself on healthy living and start somewhere. Look at healthy people you admire and find out what they are doing. But don't think you have to live like they do. That it another whole trap. Trying to live like someone else. But maybe pick one or two of their habits you would like to incorporate into your own life.

The key is to make this transition your own. You will learn what makes you feel the best inside and about yourself then move in that direction. Learn what foods make you feel good and what makes you feel sluggish or not so good inside. Find some type of exercise you enjoy doing and do that regularly. All healthy people exercise in some way. But make it fun for you. If you hate to run, then don't take up running. If you hate gyms, then don't go to a gym. There are many forms of exercise. You just have to find what you enjoy. I keep harping on the enjoying part because this is your life. We are talking about making changes for life. Not just for a while. You should enjoy every day. Do things that make you happy every day. Life is way too short to be miserable. So you are looking for changes you can make that make you feel better and love life more. Changes you can live with.

One more thing to think about. You need to do this for yourself. Not because someone told you to change. True change can only come from within. So put some thought into how you would like to see yourself feel and learn what a healthy lifestyle is to you, then work on that. Don't stress over the changes or feel like you are giving something up. Do the things that you know will make you feel better and be a better person. Then the change will not have been such a big deal and you will wonder why you didn't start sooner.

Good luck with your healthy changes. If you have questions about any of this, don't hesitate to reach out to me. I am no expert but I will help in any way I can. Remember to enjoy the process.

Life is truly an adventure!

Winds of Change part 1

This is a video series I am doing on change. Changing where you are now to where you want to be. This one is all about where you want to be. Leave some feedback if you are finding value in this series :)

Desiring Change

I started a video series on my business page and I thought I would post it here as well. I believe this is for all people, not just those in business. The series is all about making changes. This first one is deciding if you want change.

Brandon's Shenanigans

"The latest in the "Brandon Shenanigans"
I waited a few weeks to post this because I wasn't sure exactly how to say everything. So I will just jump right in.


"When Brandon was little, we worried about someone calling DSS because he would get away from us in public and even at home or he would have a black eye or a broken bone from running into walls or tripping and falling. Fortunately, it never happened, until now.

"Russ' dad told us that a lady from DSS was looking for us. She didn't know where we lived and found my FIL first. He showed her where we lived and she left a business card because we were not home. At first I was angry because I couldn't imagine why anyone would do that. Most of the people in town know Brandon. All the police and firemen and business owners know him. Most people watch out for him as he's riding his bike. He follows the traffic laws, mostly. And usually doesn't get into trouble.

So I called her and she said that someone in town called DSS because Brandon said he was wet, cold, hungry, and that we had no electricity. I was speechless for a minute. I said, "I don't know why he would say that since we have electricity and food and he has plenty of warm clothes." She said someone would be coming to the house to investigate.

A few days later the DSS lady came back while my MIL was here. My MIL came over to wake Brandon up and make him a sandwich and give him his medicine before he went into town. The DSS lady walked in the door and saw that we had electricity and food, and the house was clean, and that Brandon was being taken care of and she was completely shocked. She said, "this isn't what I was expecting at all!"

So this is what actually happened. On the morning that someone called DSS, the boys and I left the house early for a co-op class, Russ left early for work, and my MIL was at a doctors appointment. Therefore no one was around when he woke up. There was also no electricity on in the house when he woke up because men were working on the electric pole in the front yard. So Brandon got dressed and rode his bike into Westminster to find food and on his way it started to rain. By the time he got to the restaurant, he was hungry, cold, wet, and we had no electricity. So he was completely telling the truth.

So I called the DSS lady back to explain why Brandon said those things. We both had a good laugh about that. She did say that they had to keep the case open for 45 days but not to worry because everything was good. They just have to jump through all of their hoops.

And that is the saga of Brandon and DSS.

Life is truly an adventure!

Be Yourself

Do you ever wonder who you are? Not titles like, Mother or Father or Son or Daughter, or Lawyer or Doctor. Not fat or thin or smart or sexy or ugly or rich or poor or whatever else we have thought about ourselves. But why you do the things you do, or think the things you think, or act the way you act or believe the things you believe? Do you ever wonder who you are down in your core? Or have you ever looked around at your life that you created and asked yourself, "how the hell did I end up here?"

These are questions I have asked myself many times. Sometimes I have struggled for an answer. I didn't know who I was because of all the voices in my head. I still wonder sometimes if my feelings or thoughts or beliefs are my own or something that was instilled in me through the years. But I will say that I have learned a lot about myself the last five to ten years.

We start off this beautiful creature that is learning about our world. We are innocent and naive. We sing and dance and don't care who's watching. We create with our hands and it doesn't matter if it is not perfect. It is perfect to us. We befriend anyone we connect with regardless of race or religion or any other differences. We come hard wired with our own unique gifts and quirks. Our own strengths and weaknesses. Our own burning desires. In an ideal world, those burning desires and unique gifts will be nurtured and let grow into the beautiful human we were meant to be. But unfortunately, that is not usually the case.

We believe everything we hear, especially from our parents and teachers. They are the older, smarter ones that are always teaching us their ways so we can grow up to be "good" human beings and to fit into our society. We come into this world with no preconceived ideas about religion, politics, race, education, or even what is acceptable in our society. We are taught about all of these things from the people around us. It is different for all of us because we all come from different families and regions so we are taught different cultures. But basically we are taught about how to fit into our culture. We learn these things from our family, teachers, peers, and the media. The parts that don't fit into society are cut off or shamed to make us fit. Or whatever other measures the adults think will make us conform.  Our family and teachers mean well. They are doing the best they know how to help us mature into respectable adults. A lot of what we learn is good and does help us mature into good people.

So we grow and mature and we go through good times and hard times. And we layer on the layers of beliefs, traditions, prejudices, fear, anxieties, rules and pain and we bury parts of ourselves that don't quite fit. Until one day, we wake up and something happens that makes us wonder, "Who am I?" "Is this really who I am?" Do I really believe that?" It might be a serious sickness or near death experience that makes us start to question ourselves. It might be a major life change like a divorce or getting fired or laid off. It could just be something you read or hear that starts the questions. It could also just be a feeling of discontent with life as it is.

Whatever it is, go with it! It is the beginning of one of the most thrilling, exciting, terrifying, confusing, maddening, and amazing times of your life. The only way to get back to your real authentic self is to undergo the questions. The transformation of peeling off the layers that are not your true self. The ones that have been passed on to you through others. This takes time. It starts with the questions like, "why do I believe that?" "Is that how I really feel or is it just what I have been taught to feel or believe?" Questions like this are sometimes hard to answer at first. Sometimes it takes a little digging deep down to find out how you really think and feel about something. Sometimes it might take some studying from someone who's been there before to learn what you truly believe. My point is, it takes time and reflection inward to find out the parts that need to be trimmed away and the parts that are truly you. The peeling away the non-authentic parts will reveal more truths about yourself that you might have forgotten. You will unburden your mind and spirit with all of the non-truths to discover your beautiful true unique self buried underneath.

Now a word of caution. When you start to wake up and start changing who you are, not everyone is going to be happy about it. Some people like you just the way you are. Even if it isn't the real you. It is comfortable and familiar. People like familiar and they like their comfort zone. They don't want anyone to change the way things are. And you changing who you are might mess up their comfort zone. It might also cause them to start to question things about their own selves and they don't want that either. So be prepared for some people to try to stop you from changing or get angry with you or even sever the relationship. But just remember, this isn't about them. It is about you. You do the work that you need to do and don't listen to the negative Nancy's. The people that really matter in the long run will love the real you and will be there through the transformation.

So to wrap this up, I highly recommend asking the hard questions and discovering the real you. It is a wild journey that will take you to unexpected places, extreme highs but also some extreme lows. Change is never easy but I guarantee you will not regret it. You will finally feel a freedom and peace that might be missing in you right now. So go ahead and take the plunge! The world needs the true authentic you :)

The Journey of 32 Years

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was content with life in her village. She mostly did what was expected and wasn't necessarily looking for anything new. Until He came along. He wasn't like the other he's in her village. There was just something about him that she couldn't put her finger on but it intrigued her enough to try and figure it out. So they started talking and hanging out together. They told each other stories of their own village and what it was like growing up for them. The more they discovered, the more attracted they became. Not knowing exactly when it happened, they became a couple. Not what she was looking for at that time in her life. It just happened. Like there was some sort of invisible string pulling them together.

So began their adventures together. Quickly they added to their little tribe. A tiny he, Thing 1,  that fit perfectly into their lives. Before they knew what was happening they discovered that another addition was coming, Thing 2. All was going smoothly until the wind shifted and a new journey was before them. This journey was unexpected and involved Thing 1. This journey brought with it fear and anxiety and anger. It took them through the swamps and up tall mountains. They were not sure they were going to survive this journey. The second addition to their tribe, Thing 2, came during this treacherous quest. She was a beacon of joy amidst dark times. So they continued on.

They were fairly content in their little village when the winds began to shift again. This time taking them to a different village. It was a little scary at first but in time, they made a place for themselves in this new village. Time passed and they were following their journey just like everyone else. Doing what was acceptable in their village. They had their bumps in the road and curves here and there but mostly things were smooth.

Then as journeys go, the wind began to change again. This was unexpected. We weren't looking to change or question life as we knew it in the village. Maybe we did and didn't realize it. We didn't know that Thing 1 was going to make us question how things were done and that by opening up the possibility of living a different way in one area of our life would ultimately change every aspect of our inner and outer life. The journey was not an easy one. It was full of pitfalls and quicksand and those damn mountains again. There was fear and anger and confusion and questions with no answers. But mixed in all of the negative emotions were love and honesty and trust in each other and the journey we were on.

During this long journey of many years along comes Thing 3 and Thing 4. These two Things brought much joy and activity and fun into our tribe. Then as life happens, Thing 2 embarks on her own journey with her own He.

Our journey was moving right along with many joys and a few sorrows like any journey when the winds began to change yet again. This was the most challenging and frightening journey yet. One that broadsided us. We weren't expecting a hurricane in the middle of the mountains. This journey took all of our resolve, resources, wits, and courage. It was not for the faint of heart. For this journey directly involved our He. Our rock. Our provider. My love. We were moving right along on our journey when this big quest was laid in front of us. We had no choice but to take it on head first. Just when we thought we were slaying the beast from hell that was attacking our He it hit him like a vengeance. No matter what we did it wouldn't let go. We journeyed on the path before us because we couldn't go back. We trudged through jungles so thick you couldn't see the sun. We plodded through deserts so long we thought we would thirst to death. Then came the valley of death. It was full of bones and ghosts and struggles so hard we thought many times it was the end. The only choices we had was to submit to death or keep moving forward. By some act of sheer will and a power we couldn't see' we made it through the valley of death. The journey was far from over but the way was getting a little easier, a little smoother.

Just when we felt like we could take a deep breath again an elder in our village, my mother, was attacked by the same beast from hell. She trudged through the valley of death for 5 months before it overtook her. Her body never made it out of that valley but fortunately, her spirit moved on to the realm of sheer bliss.

We have learned and changed a lot through our many quests. That is one thing about the journey, it is always changing and always teaching us something new about the world and ourself. We are not the same humans we were 32 years ago or 10 years ago or even 1 year ago. We have changed and evolved and grown into someone completely different and new. Someone with open eyes and open hearts and more compassion. Life lesson number 1 is life is short. Even if you live to 100, it is fleeting. We are here to have fun and enjoy the journey. Life lesson number 88 is to live life on your terms. Find what brings you joy and live in that place. You do not have to live in a box or conform to those around you. Do what brings you joy and that joy will spill out onto those around you. Life lesson number 25, our attitude is a choice no matter what part of the journey you are on. Whether in the valley or the mountaintop, we get to decide how we think and react. We can choose joy even in the midst of chaos. I know, I have been there. Joy is much better than fear or bitterness or anger. We can always choose kindness. You never know where someone is in their journey. Your kindness might be the only thing that brings them through the valley of death. Life lesson number 6, take risks. Do something new, scary, daring, fun, exciting, different from the way you always did it. Life wasn't meant to be boring or monotonous or filled with stress and strife. Take a risk on whatever it is that you have always wanted to do but was too afraid to do it. There are many, many life lessons learned along the way but I will stop with this one. Lesson 2, your additions to life are their own little creations. You are only there to love them and teach them about the world around them. The beautiful world. The one filled with butterflies and bugs and rivers and oceans and everything that's in them. They are not here for you to mold into what you want them to be. Help them bloom into what they were created to be. Beautifully, wonderfully, exquisitely, themselves. Nothing more, nothing less.

This brings us to the present. Our journey together is far from over. We have a long journey before us with many ups and downs along the way. I look forward to what lies ahead. We are strong and bold and wiser and daring and we will face the next quest together.

Bury That Stuff!

Today is the Winter Solstice. The first day of winter. The shortest day of the year. Today is the perfect day to reflect on 2018 and keep the good, bury the bad, and be grateful for ALL OF IT!

2018 for me was another roller coaster of a year. On the one hand Russ was cancer free and getting healthier all the time. On the other hand, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and died 5 months later. All of that topped with learning to breath again after holding my breath for all of 2017 and half of 2018 and still taking care of my family during the roller coaster of emotions. Needless to say, I have some deep sorting to do.

There are things I definitely want to bury or burn and not go back to again. Some memories and emotions are not worth hanging on to and only do damage instead of heal. Other things like my moms laugh and her generous ways are things I hope I never forget. Not in this lifetime or beyond.

On our last day in Mexico in 2017, Russ went down to the water and sat on a chair. He thought about all of the things that he had been harboring in his heart that he wanted to leave there and not bring home with him. See, Russ had some very negative feelings that he needed to let go of and forgive in order to truly heal in all ways. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It has been a long road for him and not easy but I can see how much progress he has made. Russ is a completely different person than he was 4 years ago at the beginning of the cancer journey. He is stronger and wiser and much more loving and forgiving. He made a little hole in the sand and put all of the negative things he had been holding onto and buried them. He left them right there in a whole in Mexico.  Now, if he feels the familiar feelings creeping up on him he can just say to himself, "no, I will not go there. I buried that in the sand". What Russ did has had a major effect on his healing and letting go. He has something physical and a visual to remind himself not to go there.

First let's talk about letting go of the negative emotions. There are two very effective ways to do this that has a lasting effect. One way is what I described with Russ. You literally bury them. And you leave them there. Do not go back and dig them up. If those negative thoughts come creeping back, just say to yourself that you won't go there. You will not dig that up again.

Another very powerful way to let go of negative feelings and thoughts is to write them down on a piece of paper and burn it. Write down everything negative that you feel. You can write about an incident that happened to you that was not your fault. Even if it happened years ago and you are still holding onto it. You can write a letter to a person telling them exactly how you feel. Then do something so powerful you won't believe you can, forgive them. No matter how bad they were to you or what horrible thing they did. Forgive them. You are only hurting yourself when you do not forgive. I am not saying you have to have a relationship with that person or even talk to them ever again. I am just saying for your own mental, physical, and spiritual health, forgive them.  Don't send it to them. Burn it. Burn your letters that you write and watch them go up in smoke. You can even write a letter to yourself asking yourself for forgiveness if that is what you need to do. Then the next time your thoughts wander to that negative thing, stop yourself. Say, "NO! I won't go there. That went up in smoke. It is gone." Then quickly replace that negative thought with one of gratitude. Anything you are grateful for at the moment. The sunshine, hot coffee, hot water, your children, whatever you can find. Because no matter how bad life might seem, there is always something to be thankful for.

That brings me to the next step. Remembering the good times. You can make a scrapbook highlighting all the good times. You can start a gratitude journal if you don't already have one. I am sure there are other ways but these are two ways that are very powerful. Especially the gratitude journal. Make a habit of writing down everything you are grateful for. This way, when the negative thoughts start creeping in, you have something to be grateful for to combat those feelings. It is impossible to be negative and grateful at the same time. So choose gratefulness and your whole outlook on life will start to change and then your life will quickly follow.

So I hope you will find some time to think about what was, what is, and what is to come. Think about what you will bury and what you will keep. I hope you choose to bury the negative, burn the bridges, and keep the good stuff. Because there is always some good stuff!

I wish you the best of luck with your cleansing.
Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanakkuh!
Joyful Kwanzaa!
and Radiant Winter Solstice!